Yeh mausam-e-sarma ki mangal ki ek sard raat thi. Main ne sara din islahi kaari aur mashawarat ki mutaadid nashistein niptaai thin aur shaam ko teen ghante parhaya bhi tha. Raat ke taqreeban das baje main gaari chala kar ghar wapas aa raha tha, aur dil hi dil mein bistar par letne se pehle ek aadh ghanta zehni aaraam o sukoon pane ke khwab dekh raha tha. Mujhe dil hi dil yeh umeed bhi thi ke kisi naamaloom wajah se poora khandan raat nau baje hi so gaya ho. Ya agar woh bistar par nahin bhi gaye, to umeed hai ke woh fitri taur par yeh jaan lein ge ke main bohat thaka hua hoon aur mujhe is waqt bilkul bhi pareshan na kiya jaye. Main ne yeh daleel ghadi ke main ne us din poori diljami, yaksooi aur wafadari ke saath Khuda ke logon ki khidmat ki thi. Yaqeenan, Khuda bhi is baat se muttifaq hoga ke ab mujhe zindagi ki masroofiyat se chand ghanton ki chhutti milni chahiye! Main ek khaali family room, barf se labalab Diet Coke, akhbar aur TV ke farigh remote control ke sapne dekh raha tha. Main mukammal taur par nidhaal ho chuka tha aur mukammal sukoon paana ab mera haq tha. (Aap dekh sakte hain ke main kis qadar begharz khadimana jazbe ke saath apne ghar ki taraf rawan dawaan tha!) Main ne is mohoom umeed ke saath dabe qadamoon darwaza khola ke main kisi ki nazron mein aaye baghair andar khisak jaoon ga. Drawing room ki battiyan gul thin aur poora ghar pur-sukoon tha. Mera dil umeed se bhar gaya. Shayad mere khwab sach hone wale thay, yani sirf mere liye aaraam aur sukoon ki ek purkashish shaam. Main ne darwaze ke andar abhi pehla qadam hi rakha tha ke mujhe ek ghusse bhari awaaz sunai di. Mera dil baith gaya! Main to aisa zahir karna chahta tha jaise main ne kuch suna hi nahin. Yeh mere teen age bete Ethan ki awaaz thi. Meri mayoosi jald hi ghusse mein badal gayi. Mera ji chaha ke main use pakar kar kahoon, “Kya tumhein maloom nahin ke mera sara din kaisa guzra hai? Kya tum nahin jaante main kitna thaka hua hoon? Is waqt mujhe jis aakhri cheez ki zaroorat hai, woh tumhare masail se nimatna hai. Tumhein yeh masla khud hi hal karna hoga. Kaash tum zindagi mein ek baar apne siwa kisi aur ke baare mein bhi sochte. Main tum logon ke liye kya kuch nahin karta aur badle mein mujhe yeh sila milta hai? Kya tum mujhe ek raat bhi akela nahin chhor sakte?” Yeh tamam khayalat mere andar ek toofan macha rahe thay, lekin main ne zaban se ek lafz bhi na nikala. Main ne Ethan ki baat ko suna jo apni shikayat ka izhar kar raha tha. Woh apne bade bhai se is qadar khafa tha jitna main ne use pehle kabhi nahin dekha tha. Woh is haqeeqat ko kos raha tha ke us ka ek bada bhai hai jis ka kaam bazahir is ki “zindagi ko tabah o barbaad” karne ke siwa kuch nahin tha. Raat ke das baj chuke thay. Jis maamle se yeh jhagra shuru hua tha woh intehai mamooli tha. Mera dil chah raha tha ke main use kahoon ke apne jazbaat par qaboo paaye aur khud hi is se nimte, lekin ek doosre hi mansoobe ne mujhe apni girift mein le liya. Yahan mere samne ghair mutawaqqa mauqe ka ek aisa hi lamha maujood tha, yani rozmarrah ki zindagi ka ek aisa lamha jise ek muhabbat karne wale aur Qadir-e-Mutlaq Khuda ne muqarrar kiya tha jahan mere teen age bachche ka dil khul kar mere samne aa raha tha. Yeh sirf Ethan aur us ke walid ke darmiyan ka lamha nahin tha. Yeh to Khuda ka muqarrar kardah lamha tha, mukhlisi aur fazl ka ek mutaharrik lamha jahan Khuda nijaat ke us kaam ko aage barha raha tha jo us ne barson pehle mere bete ki zindagi mein shuru kiya tha. Us lamhe mein wahid sawal yeh tha ke kya main Khuda ke mansoobe ki pairwi karoon ga ya apne zaati mafad ki? Kya main us lamhe Injeel ki sachchai par qaim rahoon ga, aur Khuda par yeh bharosa rakhunga ke woh mujhe woh sab kuch ata karega jis ki mujhe zaroorat hai taa ke main woh kaam kar sakoon jis ki bulaahat woh mujhe mere bete ki zindagi mein de raha tha? Main ne Ethan se kaha ke woh khane ki mez par baith jaye aur mujhe bataye ke asal baat kya hai. Woh dukhi aur ghusse mein tha. Us ka dil mez par khula para tha. Hum ne us ke ghusse ke pehluon par tafseeli baat cheet ki aur apne dil ka sara ghubaar nikal lene ke baad ab woh sunne ke liye tayyar tha. Apne bhai ke saath ek mamooli takraar ne un baton par guftagu ka darwaza khol diya jo kisi bhi tarah mamooli nahin thin. Khuda ne mujhe quwwat aur sabr ata kiya. Us ne mere munh mein wohi baatein daalein jo kehna is waqt mozoon aur zaroori tha. Ethan ne us raat apne aap ko ek naye zawiye se dekha aur isi tafheem ke tehat un cheezon ka aitiraf kiya jinhein us ne is se pehle kabhi tasleem nahin kiya tha. Jab main ne Ethan ko good night kaha to aadhi raat hone wali thi. Hum ne ek doosre ko galay lagaya aur sone ke liye chale gaye. Jo cheez pehli nazar mein ek wazeh taur par mamooli maamle par ek pareshan kun aur chirchire lamhe ki tarah dikhai de rahi thi, woh darhaqeeqat khidmat ka ek shandaar aur babarkat mauqa thi, jise muhabbat bharay Khuda ne hamare liye muqarrar aur mutayyan kiya tha. Yeh baat bilkul wazeh ho gayi ke Khuda sirf Ethan ko tabdeel karne ke liye kaam nahin kar raha tha balkeh saath hi saath woh mere baatin ko bhi tabdeel kar raha tha. Us shaam mere apne dil ki khudgharzi be-naqab ho gayi thi, wohi khudgharzi jo walidain ko unhi teen age bachon par ghusse mein chillane par majboor karti hai jinhein is waqt sab se zyada un ki zaroorat hoti hai. Masih ke liye meri apni muhtaji bhi aashkar ho chuki thi. Doosri surat mein, is baat ka koi imkaan hi na tha ke main us ki inayat kardah taqat ke baghair us ke hathon mein tabdeeli ka ek moassar waseela ban sakta.